Funeral Wishes Template: How to Record Your Parent's Preferences Now

A funeral wishes template is a simple written record of how a person wants their death to be handled — burial or cremation, the type of service, specific songs or readings, who should be notified, and anything they want or do not want at their memorial. It is not a legal document. It does not need a lawyer or a notary. But it may be the most practically useful thing your parent ever writes down.

The reason families end up making expensive, regret-filled decisions at funeral homes is almost always the same: they are making choices in acute grief, in a time-pressured environment, with no guidance from the person who has died. A two-page funeral wishes document eliminates that problem entirely.

Why Document Funeral Wishes Before You Need Them

Funeral homes are skilled at upselling during a family's most vulnerable hours. Average funeral costs have risen to over $9,000 in the U.S. Families without a clear record of what their parent wanted are easily guided toward more expensive options — and many feel too guilty to decline anything, reasoning that frugality feels disrespectful to the deceased.

A parent's written wishes give the family permission to say no. "Dad specifically said he didn't want an expensive casket. He wrote it down." That sentence ends a conversation.

Beyond finances, documented wishes prevent family conflict. Sibling disagreements about burial vs. cremation, religious services vs. secular celebrations, or whether to invite estranged relatives are among the most bitter arguments families have during the worst weeks of their lives. When a parent has written their own preferences, that document becomes the authority — not whoever argues loudest.

What to Include in a Funeral Wishes Template

Work through the following categories with your parent. Not every item will apply, and not every parent will have a preference on everything — but having the conversation and documenting the answers is far more valuable than leaving it open.

Section 1: Basic Disposition Preference

Burial or cremation? This is the first and most fundamental choice. If cremation is chosen, document what should happen to the cremated remains: burial in a specific plot, scattering in a meaningful location, kept by a family member, or divided among family.

Green/natural burial? Some parents have strong preferences for eco-friendly burial options. If so, note the specific type desired (shroud burial, biodegradable casket, home funeral) and any cemetery or facility already identified.

Body donation? Some people choose to donate their body to a medical school or research institution. If this is the plan, the institution must be contacted in advance and registered with them — it cannot be arranged after death. Record the institution's name and contact information.

Pre-arrangements: Has any pre-arrangement been made with a funeral home? If so, note the funeral home's name, the account number, what has been prepaid, and where the contract is located.

Section 2: Funeral Home and Service Logistics

Preferred funeral home (if any): Some families have a long relationship with a particular funeral home. Others do not have a preference. Either is fine to note.

Type of service:

• Full funeral service with viewing/visitation
• Graveside service only
• Celebration of life (no traditional funeral elements)
• Memorial service (body not present)
• Private family-only service
• No service at all

Religious or secular: Note any specific religious tradition to follow (Catholic Mass, Jewish funeral service, Protestant service, Islamic burial protocols, etc.) or whether the service should be entirely secular.

Location: Church, funeral home chapel, community hall, family property, cemetery, or no preference.

Officiant: Specific pastor, priest, rabbi, or imam? A favorite family friend? Note their name and contact information if known.

Section 3: Service Details

Music: This is often where people have the strongest feelings. List specific songs — title, artist, and any notes about the version. Note songs that should absolutely NOT be played if there are any. Some people have specific music associated with memories they do not want overshadowing the service.

Readings: Specific scripture passages, poems, or prose. Note the source and where to find the exact text.

Speakers: Who should give a eulogy or speak? Are there any people the parent specifically wants to speak? Are there people they would prefer not to be given a speaking role?

Flowers or charitable donations in lieu of flowers: If flowers are desired, any preference for type or color. If donations are preferred, note the organization's name.

Display items: Photos, military honors, favorite objects, sports team memorabilia. Some families display a collection of meaningful items alongside the body or urn.

Military service: If the parent is a veteran, do they want military honors at the service? Full honors? A flag presentation? Note their branch of service, years served, and the location of their discharge papers (DD-214), which the funeral home will need.

Section 4: Burial or Cremation Details

If burial:

• Cemetery name and location
• Plot number (if already owned)
• Location of the cemetery deed
• Preferred casket type (if any preference)
• Open or closed casket for viewing?

If cremation:

• What to do with the ashes:
  • Specific burial location
  • Scatter at [specific location] — note if permits are needed (many national parks and waterways have scattering rules)
  • Kept by specific family member
  • Divided — note who gets what portion

Section 5: The Obituary

Full legal name and any nicknames commonly used

Date and place of birth

Surviving family members (children, grandchildren, siblings) to be listed

Deceased family members to be listed (parents, a spouse, siblings)

Career and notable achievements the parent would want mentioned

Memberships, community involvement, volunteer work

A sentence or two the parent would write about themselves if they could. Many people are surprised to discover their parents have a clear sense of what mattered most in their life when asked directly.

Anything they would NOT want in the obituary: some people have estranged relatives they do not want listed; others have professional chapters they consider irrelevant.

Section 6: Notification List

Who should be called immediately when death occurs:

• Executor of the will
• Any adult children not already present
• Close friends who would want to know before the obituary is published
• The parent's employer or former employer (for pension notification)
• Religious community leader
• Any longtime neighbor or companion

Section 7: Final Requests and Personal Notes

This is the section with no format — just space for whatever the parent wants to add. Some people write about why they made certain choices. Some write a brief message to their family. Some note practical things like "the spare key to the house is under the ceramic pot on the back porch."

Anything the parent wants their family to know, that does not fit elsewhere, belongs here.

After the Document Is Complete

Store the completed funeral wishes template:

• In the family's main document organizer or binder
• With a copy of the will
• Give one copy to the executor of the estate
• Tell at least two family members where to find it

Review it every few years or if preferences change. Pre-arranged funeral contracts may need updating if the parent moves to a different city.

The one thing to avoid is completing this document and then not telling anyone where it is. A funeral wishes document that cannot be found serves no purpose.

The End-of-Life Planner includes a structured funeral and final wishes worksheet as part of its full document system — alongside a document locator, financial overview, legal reference guide, and conversation scripts for the hard discussions you need to have before a crisis makes them impossible. It is designed to be worked through with an aging parent over a few evenings, not all at once.