Dying Parent Checklist: What to Do While There Is Still Time

When a parent is seriously ill or in significant decline, the impulse is often to focus entirely on their immediate physical needs — medication schedules, doctor appointments, hospital visits. These things matter. But they are not the whole picture.

The families who handle this period with the least chaos and regret are the ones who use the remaining time to have certain conversations, complete certain documents, and make certain decisions before illness or death makes those things impossible.

This checklist is not about preparing to let go. It is about honoring your parent's life and wishes with the clarity and organization that the situation demands.

Part 1: Legal Documents — Complete or Confirm These Now

Legal documents must be completed while your parent still has mental capacity — the legal ability to understand what they are signing. Once capacity is lost to dementia or severe illness, these doors close permanently.

Power of Attorney (Financial)

• [ ] Does your parent have a signed, notarized Durable Power of Attorney?
• [ ] Is it current? (Laws change; a POA from 20 years ago may have gaps)
• [ ] Do you know where the original document is?
• [ ] Has the named agent (likely you) confirmed they are willing and able to serve?

Healthcare Proxy / Medical Power of Attorney

• [ ] Is someone designated to make medical decisions if your parent cannot?
• [ ] Does the designated person know your parent's wishes in detail?
• [ ] Is the healthcare proxy document on file at your parent's primary care office and hospital?

Advance Directive / Living Will

• [ ] Has your parent documented their wishes about CPR, intubation, and life-sustaining treatment?
• [ ] Does the document address both terminal illness and permanent incapacity scenarios?
• [ ] Is it witnessed and notarized as required by your state or country?

POLST / MOLST / Clinician Orders

• [ ] For parents with serious illness: does a physician-signed POLST (or equivalent) exist that travels with them?
• [ ] Is it visible and accessible (e.g., on the refrigerator, in a medical bag)?

Will

• [ ] Does your parent have a valid, signed will?
• [ ] Has it been updated since any significant life changes (remarriage, new grandchildren, major asset changes)?
• [ ] Do you know who the executor is and where the will is stored?

Trust (if applicable)

• [ ] If a living trust exists, are all major assets properly titled in the trust's name?
• [ ] Is the trust document stored securely and accessible to the trustee?

Part 2: Financial Organization — Know What Exists

Financial chaos after a death is almost always a result of not knowing where things are. The goal here is not to take over — it is to know what exists so the estate can be handled smoothly.

• [ ] List of all bank accounts (institution, account type, account number, whether it has a beneficiary or POD designation)
• [ ] List of all investment accounts (brokerage, IRA, 401k, pension)
• [ ] Life insurance policies — insurer, policy number, face value, and named beneficiary
• [ ] Real estate — deed location, mortgage servicer (if any), whether property is in a trust
• [ ] Vehicle titles — location, whether they need to be transferred
• [ ] Safe deposit box — which bank, where is the key?
• [ ] Outstanding debts — mortgage, credit cards, medical bills, personal loans
• [ ] Regular income sources — Social Security, pension, rental income
• [ ] Accountant or financial advisor contact information
• [ ] Estate attorney contact information

Part 3: Medical and Care Planning — Get Clear on the Trajectory

• [ ] Do you understand the current diagnosis and expected progression?
• [ ] Have you had a direct conversation with the primary physician about what to expect in the next 3-6 months?
• [ ] Is hospice care appropriate to consider? (Ask the doctor — most families wait longer than necessary)
• [ ] Who is coordinating care day-to-day?
• [ ] Is there a backup caregiver plan if the primary caregiver becomes ill?
• [ ] Are medications current, reviewed, and accessible? Is someone responsible for managing them?
• [ ] Are there unmanaged symptoms (pain, breathlessness, anxiety) that could be better controlled with palliative care?

Part 4: Funeral and Memorial Preferences — Ask the Hard Questions

Funeral decisions made under acute grief cost an average of 40% more than pre-planned decisions. More importantly, they are made without knowing what your parent actually wanted.

• [ ] Burial or cremation?
• [ ] If burial: specific cemetery or location preference?
• [ ] If cremation: what happens to the remains? Scattering location, columbarium, kept at home?
• [ ] Religious or secular ceremony?
• [ ] Specific readings, songs, or people who should speak?
• [ ] Anything they absolutely do not want at their funeral?
• [ ] Has the funeral home been selected? If pre-need arrangements exist, where is the documentation?
• [ ] Obituary: Is there biographical information your parent wants included?

Part 5: Important Conversations — Do Not Leave These for Later

Legal documents capture the what. These conversations capture the why — and they are what your parent will be grateful you had.

End-of-life wishes in their own words Ask: "If you could tell me the most important things you want me to know about how you want this to go, what would they be?"

Relationship repairs (if needed) Is there anyone your parent wants to reconnect with before they die? Is there something left unsaid between you? The window for these conversations is finite.

What they are most proud of This is not only for them — it is for you. Many adult children in the years after a parent's death wish they had asked more about their parent's life, values, and story.

What brings them peace right now What helps them feel less afraid? More comfortable? More connected to what matters? These conversations shape the quality of the time that remains.

Part 6: Digital and Administrative — The Details That Fall Through the Cracks

• [ ] Email account — do you have access if needed? Is there a legacy contact set up?
• [ ] Social media accounts — Facebook, Instagram, etc. — legacy contact or memorialize request documented?
• [ ] Online subscriptions — streaming services, memberships — who cancels these after death?
• [ ] Passwords — is there a list stored securely (password manager or sealed envelope)?
• [ ] Important accounts (utilities, insurance, medical portals) — login credentials documented?
• [ ] Any digital assets — cryptocurrency, online businesses, PayPal balances?

Part 7: Family Coordination

• [ ] Does everyone who needs to know understand the current medical situation?
• [ ] Is there one designated point of contact for medical updates (to reduce repeated calls to nurses)?
• [ ] Is there an agreed plan for who covers which responsibilities (care coordination, bills, communication)?
• [ ] Have you addressed or at least acknowledged any existing sibling tensions so they do not explode at the worst moment?

A Note on Pacing

This list is not meant to be completed in a single weekend. Some items — particularly legal documents — need to happen as soon as possible if they have not been addressed. Others — like the personal conversations — deserve the time and care they require.

The most important thing is not to wait for a crisis. A hospitalization, a fall, a sudden decline — these are the moments when families realize how much they didn't know and how many decisions they were not prepared to make.

The Tool That Walks You Through All of It

The End-of-Life Planning Workbook is organized around exactly this checklist — with guided worksheets for each section, conversation scripts for the difficult topics, and jurisdiction-specific legal guidance for families in the US, UK, Canada, Australia, and New Zealand.

It does not replace an attorney or a doctor. But it gives families the structure to use the time they have wisely — capturing their parent's wishes, organizing their affairs, and making sure that when the end comes, everyone knows what to do.

Get the End-of-Life Planning Workbook